But Ive been thinking often of writing my achievementd of the past few weeks including my completion of my MBA with focus in financing. Its been quite a haul and Ive felt the need to study something else that I never finished. Getting a CCNA certificate on top of my academic accomplishments will be hard but complete one of my initial goals to be a network tech in the field again. Itll probably not combine with the MBA but we will see. Im looking forward to these classes keeping my sights set on learning and delaying gratification for many good opportunities along the way! It feels great to finally achieved one of lifes greatest feats
The mind games we play part two
Its a mental chess game outsmarting and subjugating the thought traps and moderate depression in my mind. The storm surge rises without notice. Usually in the form of Sofie exploding in anger or sadness. It affects me because I dont feel theres room to express my thoughts or opinions because she refuses to see how badly I feel. Her own sorrow and anger is consuming while mine is swirling dangerously below the surface. I let out hints that its their by saying triggers have been hurting me all week. Sofies usual empathy and concern is in hold due to her uncle abandoning her after her mom abandoned her. Looks like our wedding may be a few guests different but its hard to tell who wjll be there from Sofies family. Back to the topic. Ive been on edge this whole week because Ive had little sleep. Working a lot. Crisis in Paris. Sofies a wreck so my foundations are built on sand. I slow things down and embrace the calm. I collapse inside my mind and cry repeatedly when I think about the dead French youth who went out to have fun at a death metal concert only to be shot like dogs. My anger and concern is challenged by my leftist friends and they fail to see why Im so concerned for our future. Ive had friends unfriend me and others abandon me when my cause was to save them. They wont listen to facts or reason and it makes me cry out for them to look at the blood on their hands. Im so utterly morose and grief stricken that innocent lives will be lost in the fight against this injustice. If you want to know my thoughts, click here and be the judge. Lots of love to all you westerners. Hold your families close. http://youtu.be/cjvPj7WAX7A
The Mind Traps We Play
I had a five-hour conversation with my mom yesterday evening. Due primarily to splitting heat raging any iota of a peaceful slumber. I learned my moms vacation to her parents gave new insight into her plots and swears plots are hatched against her. My aunt and grandmother seem the target of mind-reading and false prophecies, blaming, and negative emotional reasoning. Why is it so hard to find objective truth in our own conscience? Stef calls it self-knowledge or analogizing to learn japanese. Japanese being functional, growing up with logical self criticisms. Although, growing up with dysfunction, and surrounding yourself with non-japanese speakers would make it impossible to learn this new functional lifestyle. It’s up to ones will to find japanese friends, move to japan, immerse oneself in books, technology and the japanese lifestyle. Because CBT, self-knowledge, universal preferable behavior have given me the japanese tools essential for objective self-critique.
Justin
Finding the wall again
I heard a podcast about a guy who had trouble committing towards a job interest and sticking to it. I had also briefly reached this point in my life and was instantly drawn to the conversation. I listened as Stefan predicted the caller was raised by a single mom, who did not commit to caller’s father due to shotgun wedding. Only committed to sex and getting prego. Stef’s advice gave me exactly what to do. Once you reach perceived end to something, that’s when you really learn. After your interest deflates, is when the real learning begins. He continued, when runners hit a wall, they keep going because they reach euphoria after. Second wind, I reached two walls while biking to work Monday. Infinite walls Tuesday on the ride home. My legs, thighs, saddle region, back, shoulders and neck were all super tense. And yet,,, I felt two hours of pure euphoria today, Wednesday morning. It was unbelievable. I’ve never been this euphoric in my life. I bought cycling gear, and am ready for tomorrow! Oh, I discovered my back tire was flat when I parked the bike. Meaning every murderous hill I endured homeward was exponentially harder! It’s going to be a wonderful day tomorrow. Let’s hope fix a flat works! Ty Stef. Oh captain my captain.
Justin
Oh and I have this new mattress to massage my sore muscles!
Somebody also wanted a bath today!
Moose Safari
Finally I got the cord so I could transfer the pictures from my camera! So here they are. We went to a Moose Safari in Markaryd, Sweden. When we arrived we were like an hour early so we strolled around and laid down on the grass for a little while, before we entered the train.
Smålandet – Markaryds Älgsafari
My love and I.
The train was filled with people. Both people from Germany, Britain and Sweden.
All the moose had different names. Filip, Ludvig, Hans, Louice, Lovisa and so on.
We were allowed to both feed them with branches and pet them and their horns. It was cool! Besides moose there were also buffalos, american buffalos. Apparently the american buffalos are more friendly than the european kind, therefore they choose to have the american ones instead. They were BIG!
There were tiny little babies of both the american buffalo and of the moose, which was very cute to see.
When the moose safari was over we went to a coffee place close by. The nature were so pretty!! Sweden has very beautiful nature and I feel very blessed to live in this beautiful country.
— Sofie —
Cooking from our herb garden!
I decided to make some use I our herbs growing upon our balcony this was a delicious adventure!
I went to the store with Sofie and bought a few necessary ingredients like chicken stock and limes. The mixture for this dish involved cooking chicken large pieces with powdered garlic, chili powder, and cumin. A little salt and pepper marinated together with the chicken and olive oil gave a great aroma in our kitchen with Sofie wishing she had not made a separate dish for dinner! After cooking the chicken I diced up a yellow onion and mixed three cloves of garlic together and cooking this separately in the pan for 5 minutes always using mid to high heat for cooking not so fast. The onions smell so good while cooking it reminds me of tasting moms old spaghetti sauce with plenty of meat and onions. I have to acknowledge Sofies persistence helping me discover awesome cooking and raised pride in dicing cooking everything myself.
Finally I added some rise to ready for later and chicken stock to the mix onions soaked the stock and I proceeded adding the finished chicken and rise for the final addition of grated lime zest and spritzed lime juice with half the cilantro plant harvested. It smelled so good and I discovered I accidentally used garlic salt instead of grated garlic! It was super salty and left me still loving the taste but I will tell more about round 2 later. It was such a positive endeavor cooking solo and discovering how delicious home cooking can be and the process of creating amazing dishes inspires me to use knowledge in other dishes. I’m thinking of trying my grandmothers deviled eggs! I will let you know how it goes.
–Justin–
Its a beautiful day!
the sun is out and shining brightly on the world of Sweden today! It is warm and I am out to play some football with a friend. I forgot my frisbee unfortunately so I will have to pick up where I left it, for another day. I have been debating reading the book Atlas Shrugged since it provides level of meaning and importance following the bible. I’m curious to read it and give my impressions along the way. My first impression of Mrs Rand was a John Oliver candid asking how is she still a thing? I was struck with mixed feelings and felt uneducated about her opinions on government and objectivism. However I have dug into her background via four part series devoted by my podcast freedomainradio. I’m excited to open my mind to her book as I feel it will mirror the type of philosophy I am to develop my mind and cultivate against future struggles. If it has this staunch effect on my mentor. I feel her philosophy and view of the world is misjudged. She is preaching self happiness and free market capitalism as a one way ticket to the free world without socialist policies robbing the poor and hindering the best part of free market policies. It does not take an economist to understand and witness the failure of socialism. Nazi socialism and communism both are ironically helped by the black market free market conditions because it bridges the gaps socialist policies and decisions come up short. This is what happens in socialism, shortages and the free market are combative and when I read about California’s water shortages or China’s water shortages I wonder what is the problem that socialist policies causes this? Would it be different in the free market? How would we combat oil or water shortages then? Maybe there would not be a shortage but decisions would be made to dampen the shortage by distributing water where it is necessary. The socialist policies and administrators are not broad enough to handle these problems. And socialist decisions lead to more socialist (government) controls. They need to determine where to get the water from which affects other markets holding water and the sequential data continues until the economy collapses. Why is it so hard to just let capitalism do its own proven work? Why does the government continue increasing regulations? I have an answer. Greed. They want power to change the world when the capitalist world is just fine on its own. The costs of the drug war and terrorism creates artificial markets for suppliers of materials for war. The subsidies create interference and one does want to correct problems but these problems are solved over time by the free market. It is confusing to relate the market today with free market principles because all the blame goes towards free market when in fact it is the fed that created all these problems with fiat currency and resulted in dollar currency losing 98.0 percent of its 1913 value. Would world problems be solved in free market? I don’t know. Maybe I will pose this question to my mentor.
–Justin–
Masculinity is traumatizing men well before manhood
i have finished reading an article by a woman named Kali and the post came up under the male rights subreddit. I was blown away at the tragic ugly truth about men and why we have a life expectancy almost 10 years shorter than women! It is so horrible to think where all these boys problems originate but it comes from a deep subconscious tendency to tell boys to “be a man”. Just like girls do not like being told you hit like a girl or kick like a girl. Telling boys to man up tells them they should attain masculinity by growing up into a man via emotional suppression. Meaning no crying. No asking for help. And putting focus on achievements brings men or boys to this part of the game of life by age 3 to 5. When parents were routinely showed pictures of babies and lied to about their sex they often said the female babies were scared or afraid and male babies were angry. The subconscious says one will more likely comfort one and less comforting to the angry one. However these children are essentially emotional equals because male babies act more feminine by crying more and wanting more attention. I won’t even get into how circumcision fucking destroys boys mental circuits. I spent last night crying uncontrollably for the boyhood of being a man of the house while my mom is at work. It is unfair to spring male responsibility on a child of 7 years old. That is the parents job. The boy did not ask to be born here. He has no choice.
My crying and sobbing was for the childhood I had lost with a loving pair of parents who hugged me and didn’t chop half my dicks sensitive tissue without my consent! Same goes for religion but I can never get my foreskin back. I can never reverse the damage of being violated. Why not wait for me to be 18… No instead I have to Be a man! Fuck this. We are no longer barbarians that need to show off manliness by going out and hunting the fucking mountain lions and facing the dangerous environment while women sit in cave and raise the children. This oppression debilitates both sexes and we need to help our boys realize they can express their emotions without being abused or scolded for being sensitive. I keep my eye on my upbringing and appreciate my mom for her hugging and letting me carry my teddy bear around because it made me feel soft and loved. It is a great feeling to have those soft memories. Every time I sleep my soft blankets remind me of my bears softness along with my cats soft furry head purring in front of my face! I am happy to have such closeness with so many people and continue expressing myself with support and kindness. I have had it very easy with my family’s support from joining the military to moving to Sweden! My focus now is building a life full of love and cheer with help from my partner Sofie.
–Justin–
Crayfish Day!
today we will celebrate the beginning of summer with all students graduating (Friday) and eating tony versions of lobster called crayfish or kräftor (kreftor pronunciation in English). They are very salty and almost more work than necessary for eating because it may require some extra care to extract the meat from the claws but they are so good. Something about shellfish make me cray-ve more shellfish! A little butter or sauce to dip is awesome!
I have begun watching an interesting TV series Mad Men and it reminds me of ab elaborate TV series like Six Feet Under because they graph many insecurities and weaknesses in each character instead of strengths. There is an invisible understanding of why these men and women go mad with lust and devotion to family. To quote goodfellas, ray liottas character has his goomah on the side yet his friends pressure him to go back with his wife, Lorraine Bracco because she is the mother of his children. This sense of duty and focus on marriage staying together is honorable and stable in a way compared to daily life where people get divorced or separated without second thought or stigma. I find it interesting when people quote the bible or throw Jesus around like he is going to judge us when the bible says those who get divorced should be shunned or exiled. I will leave Jesus alone because that is another subject.
I read enlightening news lately in the feminist subreddit about Nigerias women saved from genital mutilation. Notice I say genital mutilation because would it not be nice if America would do the same for its oppression against men’s genital mutilation? No anaesthetic, no will, no choice other than the parents. Similar to how we are forced to go to church or school and told it is for our own good. Fuck that. I am thankful for the friends I have found in school and hold them dear because there were also equal number of bad or corrupt individuals (sometimes myself included) who bullied to survive or fit in with those horrible situations. It was not allowed to bully others but what did we endure through our parents? Bully after bully using force or teachers bullying us instead of rescuing us from a horrible prison sentence of public school. I found some nice teachers in high and middle school but those were few between and I do not know how I survived.
I will end with the focus on Sweden. I was talking with my brother and a friend how Sweden has established no spanking laws and no abuse back in 1979 and while I am against government force ie taxation and minimum wage or imprisonment of nonviolent offenders with violent offenders. It inspires me to use this peaceful law to bring my kids closer with other kids who are not abused or hit like I was. I have a lot weighing my mind but swedens culture makes it much calmer and smarter when I converse with other peaceful parents. Nobody is perfect but at least we are progressing forward and I hope the rest of the world will follow suit.
Then maybe the rest of the world can celebrate crayfish day and cinnamon bun day and coffee day and coffee cake day. These seem like happy reasons to celebrate family and end the cycle of violence and hitting our kids. They are our future and in no tv show do you see kids being spanked or hit. There’s a reason for that. Those who see abuse like spanking on tv would be outraged and would be too controversial. How come we do not follow these standards displayed us? Because we are in denial that there is a problem with spanking or yelling in the first place. I wish more shows had great value and focused on problems like Mad Men or KUWTK (or Caitlyn’s new show). You see some hard truths among these families and none of us are spared from them. Even the rich deal with stress and yelling and lack of love. You see how in love people are and get married or you see how divorce is painful and the only couple together is the unmarried one. You see what works and what clearly does not. You see 65 years of hidden depression and leading a false life. There are values and people may laugh but take a good hard look because this is what America is. We need to stay together and work towards maintaining our children and family for their sake of growing up fully functioning and being happy.
–Justin–
Missing America
It is obvious there are family, friends, and closeness with these people I have missed for the past 3 years in Sweden. Sometimes it baffles me the time has gone without really knowing it because I barely see my family or hear from them. When I first joined the navy in 2002, it was an exciting adventure and scary challenges awaited me in bootcamp. Then things settled down until I exited the navy in 2011. When I tell people I was in for 9 years, it makes them shake their heads and not believe I worked there so long!
However, I find it ironic they call military service “volunteering” since the definition of volunteer is to do something without seeking pay or financial compensation. I have a new job starting up for me this week and I have two other jobs keeping me busy while this one begins. I have sudden bursts of happiness and sadness at the prospect of succeeding or failing at my new summer job. I got a call from the department boss today, and he almost let me go because I had just woken up and did not know the answer to his question. It turns out later he asked me about scheduling an appointment and he said it so fast I could not understand. When I gathered a response he was literally standing by with the ultimatum. It gave me a bad taste and memory of what it was like having a job where people walk all over you without giving a shred of respect. I suppose if I want respect I will have to give it, and I am planning a way to get in touch with him in the future and have a five minute conversation about what exactly went on that morning when he called since I just had awakened.
Part of me wants to let this go, but another part wants me to confront the issue of “lack” of communication by taking the proactive step of initiating conversation and discussing what is expected and any issues with me not understanding him. I underwent three interviews with this person and each time he was very responsive and alert to my questions and answering them. He was very happy to call me in for the appointment to hire me, and for there to be an ultimatum right after being hired is only understandable if he explain what exactly is his thought process. I know this is a bit complicated, but I want to establish a communication line between him where I do not feel terrified the next time I talk to him I will feel threatened at being let go. I think it would be in both our interests if we have a discussion and try to establish some set rules or boundaries. I hate to feel I am starting my first summer job on the wrong foot, but I want to initiate this conversation maybe tomorrow after meeting my booked appointment. I am planning to keep it simple and maybe have a two minute conversation over the phone since he is probably busy or not in the office. I want him to know I am not afraid to communicate and will be focused on doing well.
— Justin —
American living in Sweden 